These Advice from A Dad Which Helped Me when I became a Brand-New Dad

"In my view I was just in survival mode for the first year."

Ex- Made In Chelsea star Ryan Libbey thought he would to handle the challenges of becoming a dad.

However the reality rapidly turned out to be "very different" to what he pictured.

Serious health issues during the birth caused his partner Louise hospitalised. All of a sudden he was forced into acting as her primary caregiver while also caring for their infant son Leo.

"I handled each nighttime feed, each diaper… every walk. The role of both parents," Ryan explained.

Following nearly a year he became exhausted. That was when a conversation with his parent, on a public seat, that made him realise he couldn't do it alone.

The direct statement "You are not in a healthy space. You need assistance. In what way can I assist you?" paved the way for Ryan to talk openly, seek support and find a way back.

His story is commonplace, but seldom highlighted. Although the public is now more accustomed to talking about the pressure on moms and about PND, less is said about the struggles fathers go through.

Asking for help is not weak to ask for help

Ryan believes his difficulties are part of a larger failure to communicate amongst men, who still hold onto negative ideas of masculinity.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the fortress that just gets smashed and doesn't fall every time."

"It is not a display of weakness to request help. I was too slow to do that soon enough," he clarifies.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a expert who studies mental health before and after childbirth, explains men frequently refuse to accept they're having a hard time.

They can feel they are "not the right person to be seeking help" - especially in preference to a mum and baby - but she stresses their mental well-being is just as important to the household.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad provided him with the opportunity to ask for a respite - taking a few days overseas, separate from the family home, to see things clearly.

He came to see he had to make a change to pay attention to his and his partner's emotional states in addition to the day-to-day duties of taking care of a newborn.

When he opened up to Louise, he realised he'd missed "what she was yearning" -physical connection and paying attention to her words.

Reparenting yourself'

That insight has reshaped how Ryan sees parenthood.

He's now composing Leo letters each week about his experiences as a dad, which he aspires his son will look at as he matures.

Ryan believes these will assist his son to more fully comprehend the language of emotion and make sense of his approach to fatherhood.

The idea of "parenting yourself" is something musician Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

When he was young Stephen lacked reliable male a father figure. Despite having an "wonderful" bond with his dad, profound difficult experiences resulted in his father had difficulty managing and was "coming and going" of his life, making difficult their connection.

Stephen says bottling up emotions led him to make "terrible choices" when he was younger to alter how he felt, seeking comfort in alcohol and substances as escapism from the pain.

"You find your way to things that aren't helpful," he explains. "They may temporarily change how you feel, but they will eventually make things worse."

Advice for Managing as a New Dad

• Share with someone - when you are overwhelmed, confide in a family member, your partner or a therapist about your state of mind. This can to lighten the load and make you feel less isolated.
• Keep up your interests - continue with the things that helped you to feel like the person you were before becoming a parent. It could be playing sport, seeing friends or a favourite hobby.
• Look after the physical health - nutritious food, staying active and if you can, sleep, all are important in how your emotional health is coping.
• Meet other parents in the same boat - hearing about their stories, the difficult parts, along with the joys, can help to normalise how you're feeling.
• Know that seeking help isn't failing - taking care of yourself is the optimal method you can support your household.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen naturally struggled to accept the loss, having had no contact with him for a long time.

As a dad now, Stephen's resolved not to "continue the chain" with his own son and instead give the security and nurturing he missed out on.

When his son starts to have a outburst, for example, they try "shaking the feelings out" together - managing the feelings safely.

Both Ryan and Stephen say they have become improved and more well-rounded men since they acknowledged their struggles, transformed how they communicate, and figured out how to control themselves for their kids.

"I am now more capable of… dealing with things and dealing with things," states Stephen.

"I expressed that in a note to Leo the other week," Ryan shares. "I said, sometimes I think my purpose is to guide and direct you what to do, but in reality, it's a two-way conversation. I am discovering an equal amount as you are through this experience."